


nepenthe

by vounoura



Series: knife wife and staff loser [6]
Category: Elder Scrolls, Elder Scrolls Online
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, look all I do is write abt them cuddling and being angsty why am I like this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-05-02 11:14:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14543505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vounoura/pseuds/vounoura
Summary: Late nights have never been easy for her.





	nepenthe

Late nights have never been easy for her.

Company makes it easier, of course - whether that be the warmth of Naryu’s arm thrown over her side or the reassuring chittering of the nix beside her bed - but there is only so much that can be done for the dark things that lurk in her head.

(Naryu worries for her, and she knows this well - she feels it in the way her hands tighten oh-so-slightly when she wakes to find her staring into nothing again, knows it in the way the shadows deepen around her eyes when she stays in bed until the afternoon.

But Naryu also understands all too well what she means when she says _I’m just tired_ , and Nirasa knows the firm-yet-gentle squeeze of her shoulder means _I will always be here for you._ )

Naryu's pressed up firmly against her back (she knows Naryu prefers to be in her position, but Nirasa likes the warmth and the sense of security being the little spoon provides too much to let it go), her chest rising and falling slowly as she sleeps, and Nirasa breathes slowly so as not to wake her.

(Naryu has the uncanny sense of knowing whenever she’s awake, and sleeps extremely lightly to begin with. Nirasa always feels guilty when she accidentally wakes her at an ungodly hour, though Naryu always waves off her concern.)

Time moves slowly at such an hour - the darkness is so deep Nirasa cannot even see her own hand, though she runs a thumb very lightly over the back of Naryu’s absentmindedly - and the dark sends whispers and chattering down deep into her ears.

(Like insects, she feels it eat away at her - tiny jaws crawling over her skin, tearing away the threads of her sense of security until there is nothing left of it.

The dark and the way it weighs down upon her leaves her unsettled, leaves her breathless in an unfamiliar way, until it's as if she simply cannot breathe enough to thrive.

She feels as if she is about to drown, though realistically she knows she has nothing to fear from the night itself.)

She honestly can’t remember the last time she slept properly, slept a full night without waking from nightmare, from things she wants to _forget_. More often than not she wakes screaming, and she feels so _goddamn guilty_ about her inability to be normal that she wonders why, for Three’s sake, does Naryu put up with her?

(Mannimarco’s smirking face taunts her in the gloom.

 _You’re useless,_ he says, _utterly worthless_. _You have never amounted to anything in your life._

Nirasa doesn’t dignify him with a response. _  
_

_You will die alone and she will leave you eventually_ , he cackles a few moments later, and Nirasa is almost inclined to agree with him.)

Naryu shifts then, behind her, burying her nose into the soft skin of her shoulder. She inhales, groans a little, and resettles, hand moving out of Nirasa's light grip to the curve of her hip. She exhales in a soft sigh then, the cool air from her mouth tickling the back of her ear, her mouth mumbling the half-formed words of _what are you doing awake_ into the plane of her shoulder-blade.

 _"Go back to sleep."_ Nirasa whispers in response, but Naryu only grunts and pulls herself up a little bit more.

(Naryu's never been a morning person, despite the fact that she's an extremely light sleeper. Nirasa also knows that she is extremely stubborn, and once Naryu's made up her mind about something she isn't ever going to change it.

Nirasa knows simply to give in when she makes up her mind.)

 _"What are you doing awake?"_ She asks again, a little bit more clearly this time. The hand on her hip moves slowly, dragging fingertips up her side, over her ribs, and down again.

(It's a common grounding technique between the both of them. Nirasa counts the peaks of her ribs as Naryu passes over them - it helps her keep her mind off what waits for her in the dark.)

When her only answer is silence, Naryu shifts and pulls her closer - impossibly closer, burying her face in the strands of her hair. She continues the motion of her fingers, breathing slowly and quietly in long, deep breaths. She lies like that for a long while, in silence, breathing in the scent of her hair, and never stops the motion of her fingers.

(The night still eats at her, and try as she might Nirasa can't hide the nervousness of it from seeping into her bones.

Naryu leaves her side only once to light a candle on the other side of the room, because she knows neither of them will be sleeping for the rest of the night anyway.)

 _"Are you alright?"_ She murmurs, although she already knows the answer. Nirasa knows that she should respond, that should should admit to _no_ , but the words get caught somewhere behind her teeth and all that leaves her mouth is air.

 _"I will be."_ Is what she manages instead, and Naryu sighs.

( _What a burden you are_ , Mannimarco whispers into her ear.)

She presses her mouth to her shoulder, to her neck, softly and gently - just enough so that Nirasa can feel the burning heat of her skin - over and over and over. The words _I am here for you, now and forever_ ghost across her skin, and Nirasa feels the breath catch deep in her throat. She grasps the hand wandering her side tightly now, dragging is over her in a one-armed hug.

(Nirasa doesn't deserve her.

Not here, not now, not forever.)

 _"I'm sorry,"_ She whispers, words barely audible in the silence of the room, and Naryu drags her teeth across her skin before she can say anything more.

 _"Don't be,"_ She replies, dragging her mouth up to the shell of one pointed ear, _"You have nothing to apologize for."_

(Nirasa loves this woman. She loves this woman more than she's loved anyone else before, and once upon a time the thought scared her.

She doesn't think she'll ever find the proper words to convey the very depth of her emotions, but she hopes the way she squeezes Naryu's hand is enough.)

Naryu murmurs more and more meaningless words into her hair, mantras and half-tired promises of protection. The melodic timbre of her voice settles over her gently, and though Nirasa doesn't know exactly how long they lay there like that, quiet and still, she realizes with a twitch that for a very long while the creeping feeling of _unsettled vulnerability_ exists only on the fringes of her mind. Naryu's voice pulls her attention away from the gloom surrounding her, from the voices and the guilt and the blood, the warmth of her touch a gentle reminder that you are _real, and here, and made of flesh and bone_.

Later, the night breaks - light streaming sluggishly through one opaque window - and Naryu kisses her softly in the gloom of the morn. She watches the room slowly lighten with the early day, feeling safer and safer as the sun rises and chases away the dark.

And perhaps, even if only for a moment, Nirasa thinks that maybe everything will be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Nepenthe: a medicine for sorrow; a place, person or thing, which can aid in forgetting your pain and suffering.


End file.
